maygra: (SPN-brother in a dark car)
[personal profile] maygra
For Thou Desirest Not Sacrifice
Fourth in the Second Sight Universe
By Maygra

Supernatural, all audiences, future-fic.

(3,216 words)

Author's notes at end.

previous parts: (should be read in order and before this piece)

All That Is Good In Thy sight
And Tomorrow I Will Let Thee Go
Would That It Were Morning


+++++

§ For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou hast no pleasure in burnt-offering.§ Psalm 51:16


"I'm thinking we should jazz this thing up a bit," had been Dean's first response to the folding red and white cane they'd given Sam.

Sam had laughed at him. "What, bells and alarms? Spring loaded sword blade?"

"Oh, now that would be cool. Seriously though, Sam, this thing is flimsy as all hell. Don't hit anyone with it. They'll laugh in your face."

Dean was entirely ready to deal with a bunch of uptight, uber-PC, disability geeks when they reached Winnetka and the Hadley School. They'd gone without any guarantee that the school would take Sam, only the vaguest idea of what it would entail and less than five hundred bucks between them. Pastor Jim had slipped Dean an extra hundred while Dean was packing. "You pay it back when you get a chance," he'd said and it had immediately gone into the column of debts Dean would actually repay.

The chick they'd dealt with over the phone had sounded encouraging, though, happily set up the appointments both with the ophthalmologists and the course instructors.

Not everyone at the school was blind. Some weren't blind at all, some were only "markedly impaired" and Dean was surprised to find as many adults as kids.

And dogs. Lots of big, quiet, well-trained, indispensable guide dogs.

It took him about six weeks to start feeling like one of them.

He had to find a job and did. Regular hours, pay that made him roll his eyes, but as well funded as the school was, they didn't provide food or clothes or anything but basic shelter and given they weren't that far out of Chicago and rent wasn't cheap Dean didn't bitch about it, not even in private to Sam.

He had classes of his own, once they'd settled the opening salvo of questions on the entrance interview.

"So, Sam, are you looking at full independence or permanent assisted living?" Her name was Angela De Barges, and she was almost as scarily tall as Sam. She had the glossiest brown hair Dean had ever seen, a generous curve to hip and breast, and wore those kind of retro-fifties cat's eyes glasses with dark shading that Dean thought were both cool and classy.

"Full independence," Sam said while Dean was still contemplating how much he already loved this school and they'd only been here two days after acceptance.

"Hey…I'm not going anywhere," Dean had snapped to Sam's answer. He was totally capable of multi-tasking.

"I know that," Sam said on a chuckle.

"But…what's the deal. I mean, like living alone?"

Angela had smiled and sat back in her chair and crossed her legs in a completely distracting way. "Many blind people do. Granted, for people with complete blindness, like Sam's, some kind of assistance is necessary part of the time -- through services, friends, family, neighbors. One of the assessments we'll make is on your current living quarters," her fingers had skated across a page, mixed text and Braille and Dean had tried to read it. "You're staying at one of the guest apartments. What about afterward? Do you live in a single family home, apartment, condo?"

"We've been staying with a friend, for the past month. He's got a farm outside of Boise."

"But other than that…Family home?"

"No," Sam said. "I was...we, my brother and I…I was enrolled at Stanford, pre-law. I took a year off after--we've been on the road. Were, when I lost my sight."

Anyone else looking at Sam might have backed off, backed down, not pressed.

Angela, of course, couldn't see the expression on Sam's face, couldn't see Dean's face…

"I'm going to be looking for a place while Sam's learning all the cool tricks of the blind trade," Dean said smoothly, gripping Sam's shoulder. "Might help to know which would be easier. House, apartment…"

"Either. Full independence means there are services -- grocery stores, drugstores, Laundromats…close by or who pick up and deliver. It's familiarity that makes independent living even possible. We tend not to rearrange furniture much," she said and smiled.

She had a killer smile. Almost rivaled Sam's. She couldn't see Dean's at all, of course. Hadn't known he'd been checking her out, appreciating her assets.

He felt vaguely dirty like he usually didn't. Taking advantage like he never did, tried to never do. Looks and charm weren't actually going to help him here. Not even a little bit.

Okay, maybe the charm.

Dean learned more in that hour interview than in anything afterward and very little of it had anything to do with what Angela told them.

+++++

Sam picked up the cane thing pretty quickly. The tapping drove Dean insane at first. It wasn't the noise.

He wasn't going anywhere. Steps, uneven pavement, obstacles. He could warn Sam about those.

"You can't be with me every second."

"Sure I can. I mean, you know except when I'm working or…"

Sam had cocked his head at him, given him one of those smiles that both irritated Dean and killed him. "Yeah, I'll sit in a chair all day. Wait for you to get home. Just put a bullet in my brain now, Dean," Sam said it softly. He was serious.

"I'm not going anywhere." He didn't mean to sound so belligerent, so angry.

"Dude, I know that. But this…I have to do this, Dean. And it has to be this way."

"Sam…" He couldn't fix this. He knew it. Sam had known it from the start.

Dean's eyes had burned, like they hadn't thus far. Not when it happened. Not when he'd been down, Dad had been down, and Sam…

…nothing's gonna happen to you. Not while I'm around…

"I'm gonna…you want Chinese for dinner?"

"Yeah. Chinese would be good."

+++++

No one was less surprised than Dean at how quickly Sam picked up everything the school showed him, taught him. From reading to walking to making sure he didn't put his shirts on inside out.

Three weeks in Dean stopped by Angela DeBarges office. "I wondered…look. I don't know half of what Sam's going through. Is there any way --"

She might not have been able to see his face, but her smile was all for him. "Yeah. Come on," she'd said. Gotten up, unfolded her cane, tucked her hand lightly into the crook of Dean's elbow and taken him for a walk.

The walk lasted all day. Blindfolded by glasses that sealed out even the slightest bit of light, they never left the school grounds. At the end of the day Dean was bruised from having run into things. Had tripped twice, barked shins and hips and elbows into more walls, doors, desks, and chairs that he would have thought possible. He'd always prided himself on being quick on his feet, reactive, graceful even. A dozen times he wanted to tear the glasses off, he was so disoriented. He'd been overwhelmed by sound in the cafeteria. Paying for the meal had been an exercise in frustration. He could more or less tell the coins but the bills he had…he'd shoved them in his wallet without thinking about them. For all he knew, he'd paid for his five dollar lunch with a hundred dollar bill. At the end of the day, he had food on his shirt in quantities not seen since he'd been a baby.

He was exhausted at the end of it in ways the worst hunt had never made him feel. There was no adrenaline rush, no numbing endorphins pumping through his bloodstream.

Sam had been going to bed early for weeks, even at Pastor Jim's. Dean and John had discussed depression, lingering injuries. Lack of stimulation since Sam couldn't indulge in his favorite pastimes of reading or surfing the internet.

It wasn't lack of stimulation, it was overload. Given Sam's temperament and energy level it was a wonder he hadn't exploded or lashed out.

Dean wanted to lash out. He would have happily killed something, anything. The urge to get in his car and just drive was strong, undeniable. To take Sam with him was inevitable.

They couldn't outrun this.

Sam was going to need a place, one place, to come to terms with this. He needed the home he'd always wanted.

And Sam was as much Dean's home as anything else in his life. It wasn't a new revelation, not even a surprise, but Dean's home had been portable, movable, fluid and adaptable. His father had been right about one thing, if they were going to continue to be on the move, Sam couldn't go with them, couldn't go with Dean, couldn't be left in a hotel room or with friends.

Dean had no doubt that Sam would come out on top of this thing, but when he did, there should be a reward for it, somehow…some way.

And without really thinking about it too much, Dean shifted all his considerable talent at hunting and problem solving into finding a way to make it happen.

+++++

Sam was eligible for disability. And maybe it was fate or someone looking out for them, but God love the fact that Sam had been in college for four years, had held a job. Gotten good grades. There were social security benefits available to him. Not much, but every little bit helped. Angela pointed him to grants, trusts, funds, and assistance programs.

It took him all of two hours to realize that he was going to have to do a little work on his own credit rating, among other things. Like actually having one. There were forms and qualifying documents he needed, birth records, school records, medical records.

Getting an apartment, qualifying for a mortgage…none of that could be done on other people's credit cards and all of it came down to one thing. On paper, for the moment, Dean Winchester didn't exist. Not alive anyway.

What made that kind of an asset while hunting now made pretty much everything else impossible.

He had a mess to clean up in St. Louis. Undo the misidentification. He put in a call to Rebecca, and Dean didn't hesitate to pull the sympathy card at all. He and Sam had gotten her brother free of a murder rap. In Dean's book, they owed them, owed Sam.

It said something about the caliber of Sam's friends that they agreed without hesitation.

But to clear his name, Dean had to go to St. Louis. Which meant explaining why and how and a dozen other things that he really hadn't meant for Sam to ever find out about, but of course, they were Sam's friends.

"I need Rebecca to, you know, be there to tell the cops I'm me and not a dead guy."

"I can do that. Dad could or Jim…"

"You said their dad is a big shot corporate lawyer type."

"He deals in international law mostly," Sam said dropping his head. "Look, Dean…clear your name. I'll help any way I can. You know that…but…"

"What, don't ask for their help? I mean who else was there? Becky's my alibi… "

"That's not what you're going to ask them for. I know you, man. Don't do this."

Dean didn't even pretend to not know what Sam was talking about. Nice big house. Place in Europe, two kids in Ivy-league schools. The Warrens had money. A lot of money and if Dean had to go hat in hand and ask for it, so be it.

"You could call them and tell them I'm full of shit," he challenged and Sam glared at him then looked way. "Sam…God knows, we, you, me, and Dad, we've got more pride and stubbornness than half the rest of the world, but this one…Sam, I've got no credit history and yours isn't long enough. We can't live out of the car and any apartment I could afford making $15 hour at a garage isn't going to cut it, even with a disability check. Even I can't hustle that much pool. Now, if you've got a better idea, dude, I'm all ears."

"I…I don't. But I haven't really thought about it…just. Please, Dean...clear your name, but the rest -- they're friends."

For some reason it just pissed Dean off. "And friends help friends, like Jim…or Caleb or Missouri, you know? What, you're afraid of what they'll think of you? Tough. What they'll think of me? Tougher. Sam, you are blind. That's putting a little crimp in our usual style," he snapped. "You do whatever you wanna do. I'll be back in a few days, if they don't just throw my ass in jail."

He hadn't even made it to his car before he was regretting every damn word. But regret didn't change anything.

The whole four days it took, Sam wouldn't answer his phone or return Dean's calls.

Dean got back before Sam's day ended, waiting for him when Sam came home. He sat at the table, watching Sam maneuver easily, comfortably, into the room. But he tensed as he entered and Dean didn't move.

"Dean?"

"Yeah. How did you know it was me?"

"Smelled you. Dude, you need a shower," Sam said, folded up his cane by the door and gripped the back of the chair across from Dean. "Did you get your name cleared?"

Dean shrugged and nodded and then realized Sam couldn't see him. "Yeah. You know, there's probably still a few cops in Arizona, Nevada, Tennessee...maybe Wisconsin that would like a piece of my ass, but…I'm officially not dead any more."

"That's good," Sam said carefully.

"They uhm…Zach and Rebecca send their best. Mr. And Mrs. Warren, too. I uh…"

"What?" Sam said tightly.

"You've got good friends, Sam. They're good people. I uh…I didn't scam your friends," Dean said finally. "I did tell them -- told Rebecca the truth. Most of it. That you'd had an accident, that you are blind, that--"

"You asked for money."

It should have stung more than it did if only because Dean had been completely prepared to do just that. "I didn't have to. Sam…the only thing I asked them to do was help clear my 'death'. Everything else…they just offered."

"Everything…what?"

"Sam…Zach was facing 20 to life on top of losing his girlfriend. Becky would probably be dead. That wasn't a deal, a case, I even wanted to look into, or thought was something we should look into. That was you…all you. For your friends. Because they are your friends. And it's not like they are hurting for cash, you know?"

Sam pulled the chair out and sat. "What…everything?"

Dean couldn't sit with Sam looking both reserved and pale. He got up and paced a little. "Uh…guarantee on a place...a house, condo, whatever we decide. I didn't ask…but uh, Mr. Warren…well, he's kind of like you with the questions. So…"

Sam leaned over, elbow on the table, and fisted his hair, pulled his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes.

Dean crouched beside him. "Sammy, I swear. You can call them. I didn't have to ask them for a damn thing. They just…Mr. Warren just wrote up a fancy draft and contract. We find a realtor, a house or a condo and…he'll cover it. Cash. No mortgage...no…hassle. You saved his kids's lives, Sam."

Sam's hand flicked out fast but gently, covering Dean's mouth -- or mouth and nose, but only briefly. "No…no. We did that...you and me," Sam said. "Remember? It's what we do. What you do. I just…"

"What, Sam? Seriously, man. Just think about it. If it still bugs you, you know, we don't use it. Ever. We'll find another way."

"That's not what I mean." Sam was breathing a little too fast, chewing on his thumbnail. "This isn't what you want…"

"What?"

"Dean…$15 an hour, fixing somebody else's cars? Permanent address, phone number, income taxes? What happened to hunting things, saving people? The family business? A girl in every town, moving on, hustling pool…killing evil. You know, when I asked you what you wanted other than this, I was thinking, a life of your own, maybe a girl, maybe kids. Not being stuck…not…" he fell silent, shook his head.

Dean closed his eyes and rubbed at them before getting to his feet. "Sam…you asked. I know what I said. I didn't want you to leave when this was done. But this isn't what…or how, I wanted that--"

His turn to stop, to think. Had it only been a few months ago that they'd had this conversation? Sleep for a month, go back to school…those had been Sam's dreams.

…you're going to have to let me go my own way…

Sam asking him again, what he wanted. "Ah, Christ, Sam…" Sam lifted his head and Dean made himself look at Sam's eyes, pale and empty of color, the milky sheen, and red around the edges at the moment. His own probably weren't any better. He cleared his throat, sat on the edge of the table and gripped it. "You and me and Dad, together, hunting demons…but you know, Sam, mostly it was just us together that I wanted. And I know you don't…didn't want that, but things, things have kind of changed. I mean, maybe you haven't noticed it, but you are kinda blind."

That got a startled, choked grunt of laughter from Sam, the flash of teeth. "'Kinda blind'? God, Dean…you are just such a…"

"Jerk. Dick. Pain in the Ass?"

"Those too. You're such a Mom, Dean."

Dean grinned. "I can live with that. Look Sam…you wanted school and a career and--"

"No. Shut up for a second would you?" Sam said and rubbed at his face with both hands. "I just…I know you'd do anything for me, okay? But giving up your whole life…even part of it, to babysit me? It was great when you were twelve and got a dollar an hour."

"Bull shit. You think Dad paid me to watch your pudgy little ass?"

"Dean…"

Dean reached out and ruffled Sam's hair until he jerked away. "Look… you've got a few more months here. We'll figure it out. I'm not going anywhere, Sam…not…anytime soon. You know, if you decide, later, you want…"

Sam reached out, arm sweeping until Dean gripped it. His fingers dug into Dean's arm and his head dropped again. "You know…back when the visions were hitting me hard. The whole…Yoda and the Force thing," Sam said on a breath that wasn't quite full, that hitched in the middle. "And I said I was scared?"

Dean leaned in, put his other hand on Sam's shoulder then along his neck, Sam's pulse raced under his fingertips. "Yeah…I remember."

"I'm more scared now," Sam said.

Dean squeezed his shoulder gently, then again. "You're scared? Dude, I'm going to have to get a bank account. I'm going to have to commute, for Christ's sake. All you have to do is not walk into walls and try not to whack people with your cane."

Sam's laugh may have sounded more like a sob, and his eyes didn't shine the way they used to, but his smile was the same, and he'd obviously not exhausted his pretty extensive repertoire of name calling.

And if Dean was a little scared about it all as well, well, at least Sam couldn't see it on his face.

+++++

4/24/2006

Notes: I'm taking a lot of liberties with the whole training for the blind deal. The Hadley School does exist as a non-profit in Winnetka, IL, and I've glanced over their curriculum. However, any reference to their financing, the actual physical facilities, and even much of the referred to training itself is either anecdotal, drawn from other sources, or pure speculation on my part. I'm not trying to mislead anyone, nor am I averse to correcting blatant errors, but I'm also really clear that I'm not really writing a story about a school for the blind or what that training entails, or even how rock solid realistic either the training or their expectations are, only how Dean and Sam deal with their altered circumstances. So, a certain amount of defacto Television magic wand waving (like ever-present cell and wireless connections) should be taken as a given.

You know…so, feel free to call it as you see it.

And also, should anyone be interested…this universe is open. Got an idea? Go for it.
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Date: 2006-04-25 01:38 am (UTC)
amalthia: (Default)
From: [personal profile] amalthia
I'm really loving this series. thanks for sharing it with us. :)

Date: 2006-04-25 02:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
you are very welcome, darlin'. I'm glad you like it.

Date: 2006-04-25 01:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alethialia.livejournal.com
He was totally capable of multi-tasking.

I could hear Dean thinking this.

Paying for the meal had been and exercise in frustration

Think that's supposed to be 'an' not 'and.'

You saved his kids lives, Sam

And I think there should be an apostrophe at the end of 'kids.'

"Those too. You're such a Mom, Dean."

Omg, he totally is. Always has been. It's all, 'let me fulfill your wants and needs!' And yeah, I was wondering about the house, so good to get those details. Fuckin' nice of the Warrens, too.

Love love love this series.

Date: 2006-04-25 02:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Aieee! Thanks for the fixes. Totally missed the and.. and I seriously, wasn't sure about the kids versus kids's. But all fixed.

I love the idea of Dean...all smiles and good looks...and uhm, she totally can't see it. But he charms her anyway.

And also yes. Where they get their money is something that bugs me all the time (projecting much?) but this seriously made some sense to me. The Same with the Developer dude for "Bugs". I mean, I lok at some of the people they help , tha they save, and I'm just thinking...you know, most of these people are decent folks. They'd totally help if it was crunch time.

I'm so glad you are enjoying it.

Date: 2006-04-25 01:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] staceey.livejournal.com
Oh wow. O.O! This just keeps getting better. I love reading your stories, I know I have said this before but they flow so damn well. You have so much talent!

Date: 2006-04-25 02:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you so very, very much!

Date: 2006-04-25 01:57 am (UTC)
brynwulf: darklydean (Brothers)
From: [personal profile] brynwulf
ha! Like I could ever step into this universe and write a decent story. But you know...You just keep right on truckin' baby! *g*

Date: 2006-04-25 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
hee. you could. and the totally cool thing is it could be from the outside. Like Mrs. Hanson. OR the people at the school...anyone.

which I may get to as well. But I have one or two more that are kicking me in the teeth.

Date: 2006-04-25 02:10 am (UTC)
ext_16669: (happiness: an open road and a really hot)
From: [identity profile] allyoops.livejournal.com
I'm going to elope with this series, it's so damn wonderful! :D

I mean, maybe you haven't noticed it, but you are kinda blind.
Glad I wasn't drinking my tea right then, because my monitor would've been wearing it! That's such a Dean thing to say. Love it!

Date: 2006-04-25 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
LOL!! I'm so glad you are enjoying it.

Date: 2006-04-25 02:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quietdiscerning.livejournal.com
oh HART. seriously these series is OWNING me right now.

*bows to you*

Date: 2006-04-25 02:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you, darlin'!

Date: 2006-04-25 02:21 am (UTC)
hope: Art of a woman writing from tour poster (WWWD?)
From: [personal profile] hope
I too am extremely fond of this series :) Can't wait to read more!

Date: 2006-04-25 02:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you!! So glad you are enjoying.

Date: 2006-04-25 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gekizetsu.livejournal.com
You know, every one of your tales has a drop-dead sentence in it somewhere - at least one - that I keep. And by keep, I mean they nail me at first and then hang around. They're like the hubs of wheels, sometimes, and they come back to me at the oddest of times. When I'm dropping off to sleep or in the middle of some task at work, or walking, or tying my shoes or whatever.

>>"Drop it, Sam. You can't see me. I don’t see any reason why he should be able to," Dean says and rolls over.>>

And this was the one. I actually stopped and leaned away from the monitor for a moment, because it's such a Dean thing to say and puts more emotion into a single phrase than a lot of folks do in an entire tale, but it didn't interrupt the flow of the story and it wasn't too much.

>>And also, should anyone be interested…this universe is open. Got an idea? Go for it.>>

::Barb gets shifty-eyed::

Date: 2006-04-25 02:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Yee hah!! I think that's the coolest thing I've had said to me. YAY!

And I love that, because I find that a lot in my favortie authors, phrases that stick that I want to steal totally.

honey, if you get an idea, I'm serious, go for it. Depsite the current line up and the stories hammering my brain, it's pretty non-linear, there will always be gaps to be filled.

Date: 2006-04-25 02:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dick-grayson.livejournal.com
This premise is so intriguing to me, and I'm really enjoying your writing. The characterizations are so real to me. I do have to say, though, that I burst out laughing (inappropriately) when I read this:

since Sam couldn't indulge in his favorite pasties

::raises eyebrows:: Perhaps that idea is meant for another type of story all together!

Date: 2006-04-25 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Bwhahahaha!! Okay, that one totally slipped by me. HEE! all fixed.

And hey, I'll take laughter, for whatever reason[g].

Date: 2006-04-25 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com
I'm really enjoying this whole series. Sorry I haven't commented til now. As always, you do such a good job of mixing the ouches and the optimism. Thanks so much.

Quick typo spotted:
And it's not like they hurting for cash, you know

Date: 2006-04-25 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
thank you muchly! both for the compliment and the catch. All fixed!

Date: 2006-04-25 03:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estei.livejournal.com
Oh gosh, I was so hoping that you would do a scene from when they were at the school- and then you did a whole fic! This series just gets better, which kind of boggles the mind because at the end of each one I sit back and say "This is it. This can't possibly be outdone." You'd think I'd get tired of being wrong :) I love Dean in this fic, probably my favourite part of this installment is when Dean spends the day with the glasses on.

Date: 2006-04-25 11:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it. Yeah, I felt like their needed to be a bridge or at least framework for the earlier days of this..watching them deal and cope and fight a little.

Date: 2006-04-25 03:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zortified.livejournal.com
I love Dean feeling like one of the guide dogs. :-)

Date: 2006-04-25 11:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
LOL! I can see him after a particualrly trying day actually sitting down next to one and having a bit of mutual understanding.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] zortified.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-04-25 03:36 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-04-26 12:58 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-04-25 04:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] geminigrl11.livejournal.com
Every time I think "this, this is her best one, this is my favorite," you come along and casually tap out another home run. Just kind of winking out into the sun, hand over your eyes, like "Wow! I had no idea that was going to happen" as the ball sails away, over the wall, new record, gone.

I mean, seriously, you've driven me to BASEBALL analogies. And I don't even WATCH baseball!!!

Dean: "And without really thinking about it too much, Dean shifted all his considerable talent at hunting and problem solving into finding a way to make it happen."

Sam: "I just…I know you'd do anything for me, okay? But giving up your whole life…even part of it, to babysit me? It was great when you were twelve and got a dollar an hour."

And the reaction of their friends . . . and the Biblical quotes . . . and, just all of it. Just, thank you.

Date: 2006-04-25 11:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you very much! Hee. I don't watch baseball either -- shows you how pervasive basebull culture is to our society, eh? (I can't help it, it cracks me me up and I'm very falttered by the analogies.)

Date: 2006-04-25 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tabaqui.livejournal.com
Oh, very spiff. Sam's finally seeing *exactly* what Dean will give up for him.

And i loved Dean's day of being overwhelmed, and that they still talk. Lovely stuff.

Date: 2006-04-25 11:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Oh, I think Sam's always known that. I think what he's been saying all along is that Dean doesn't have to, that he's glad he does and has, but if Dean wanted something else, Sam's the last person who'd want to get in his way.

Date: 2006-04-25 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] esorlehcar.livejournal.com
Dean squeezed his shoulder gently, then again. "You're scared? Dude, I'm going to have to get a bank account. I'm going to have to commute, for Christ's sake. All you have to do is not walk into walls and try not to whack people with your cane."

Sam's laugh may have sounded more like a sob, and his eyes didn't shine the way they used to, but his smile was the same, and he'd obviously not exhausted his pretty extensive repertoire of name calling.

And if Dean was a little scared about it all as well, well, at least Sam couldn't see it on his face.


Oh, I love you. Watching them come to terms with this is just reducing me to a puddle of goo.

Date: 2006-04-25 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gillianinoz.livejournal.com
I love that I can hear their voice so clearly in these stories. I adore this series, sad/hopeful though it is.

And needless to say, I want more, please.

(PS, if you cut me in half I have the word slasher written across my middle, so I can't help slashing this, even though it's probably totally inappropriate.)

Date: 2006-04-25 11:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Aw honey, I've got slasher in my *genes*. Trust me, I keep titling my head sideways and it's likely at some point I will slash, which the non-lsashy types can jsut skip, given the way I'm putting these out there. More snapshot than narrative.

Date: 2006-04-25 07:20 am (UTC)
silverceri: Blue fairy girl (Default)
From: [personal profile] silverceri
This is absolutely perfect, and I love it. Well, I love the whole series, and you slayed me with the first too. And the third installment left me speechless... I was going to write and say that, only I fell over with a migraine instead. So I'll say it now. I loved it, and I love this part even more.

I think my favorite line, for some indescribable reason was: We tend not to rearrange furniture much," she said and smiled.

There was one small error that I noticed and one that might be an error but I wasn't sure about.

Ok, error: Taking advantage like he never did, tried to never to do.

You have one too many to's in the sentence. It needs to either be "tried to never do" or "tried never to do."

The maybe error, or just me being really confused: It wasn't lack of stimulation, it was overload. Given Sam's temperament and energy level it wasn't a wonder he hadn't exploded or lashed out.

The first time I read this I thought it read it was a wonder that he hadn't exploded or lashed out. Then I read it again and read it properly and said, huh? Sam does have a bit of a moody temperament, that seemed to get worse (in the show) the less sleep he got. And from personal experience, I know the tireder I am, the more I mouth off... So, I'd see that as kind of a surprising thing. So, is it or isn't it a wonder? Or am I just confused for no good reason?

Other than that, this is glorious, and I adore it. Although I'm still hoping to actually get a more complete picture of what happened to Sam's sight. Is there hope for someday?

Date: 2006-04-25 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. And I'm kinda fond of Ms. DeBarges. She's kind of practical and I like that in a character.

Also, thanks for your corrections. All fixed. You were absolutely right and I just kept reading them Like I intended them to be, rather than as they actuall were.

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] silverceri - Date: 2006-04-26 03:47 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-04-25 08:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wordfear.livejournal.com
This is such a fabulous series of stories.

I was really struck by Dean spending a day blind to see what Sam's world is like now. It's such a totally Dean thing to do - he always strikes me as such a tactile person you know, he's really got to be able to see it and touch it to understand it. And now I'm stuck with the image of him as a guide dog. *grins*

Can't wait to see where this series goes....

Date: 2006-04-25 11:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
I consdiered it when the idea struck me, how Dean would deal and he might do really well or he might kind of collapse under it. But a lot of this had to do with answering two questions. What would keep Sam from having the life he wnated (or atleast twiting that) and what would make Dean give up hunting.

So, I kind of got two answers for the price of one [g]

Glad you are enjoying it.

Date: 2006-04-25 10:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witchofthedogs.livejournal.com
I read this last night and didn't get around to telling you how much I liked it. Which was a whole hell of a lot.

Date: 2006-04-25 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
YAY!! I'm so glad! Thank you, honey.

Date: 2006-04-25 11:06 am (UTC)
ext_5650: Six of my favourite characters (Default)
From: [identity profile] phantomas.livejournal.com
So glad this is going on...you have a light touch on their problems without making them less serious, on the contrary. I really like it. And your willingness to share the universe is really appreciated (in fact, you're only the second writer I come across that's willing to do that).

Also...happy birthday for tomorrow :) Mine is on the 26th. Go Taurus :)

Date: 2006-04-25 11:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you, both for the compliment and the well-wishes. Both are much appreciated.

As for sharing; not mine, never were.

Date: 2006-04-25 12:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] muffaletta.livejournal.com
This series is mesmerizing! Dean and Sam have always been strong characters but in dealing with a very different type of challenge. It is clear that suffering a very human type of tragedy has allowed both of them to grow. Because of his love for Sam, Dean has accepted his new life as a necessary adjustment and without bitterness. I also found it interesting that now he does not refuse other people's help: he might have out of pride if the help were meant for him but he will do anything for Sam. And your Sam, what can I say? I have found canon's Sam to be a bit petulant and immature, although there has been some change over the course of the season. This Sam is obviously more mature and well adjusted. He is concerned about his impact on Dean's "happiness" and although he would be justified in doing so, really doesn't complain about his hardship. That makes the story both oh, so sad and yet inspiring at the same time. And I guess that's the paradox of love: the more we care for someone, the more we open ourselves to pain and grief. So thanks again for giving us this perspective and looking forward to seeing more!

Date: 2006-04-26 12:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you, sincerely. I think anyone who has spent any time reading my stuff (SPN specifically) knows how I feel about Sam...I can see your interp, but in my head I see 22 year old man dealing not only with the death of his girlfreind of some time but being forced by circumstance into a life he'd already thought he'd escaped from. I don't disagree that Sam is immature, but I'd expect him to be...

But also, yes...the cornerstone of the entire series for me has less to do with hte monster of the week and more to do with the affections, loyalty and conflicts Sam and Dean face -- sometimes together, sometimes at odds, but always, always with a great deal of fraternal love.

Date: 2006-04-25 12:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vylit.livejournal.com
This is so, so good. Thank you.

Date: 2006-04-26 12:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
You are very welcome.

Date: 2006-04-25 01:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chelseafrew.livejournal.com
I am enjoying this series probably more than I ought to, but I am a disability fic fan extraordinaire, and this one is better than most.

If you're sure you don't mind sharing the universe, I may take a crack at a vignette. I already have a couple ideas. :-)

Date: 2006-04-25 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brandil.livejournal.com
Amazing.

Date: 2006-04-26 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
thank you.

Date: 2006-04-25 03:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] luvjlb.livejournal.com
Just a quick note to let you know how much I enjoyed reading this. I think you've done a wonderful job of expressing the various emotions involved in accepting a major life change. My Aunt is blind and grew up in a blind school. Your portrayal of how family deals with this kind of pain is very accurate. Thanks for sharing!

Date: 2006-04-26 12:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maygra.livejournal.com
Thank you so very much! I don't actually have anyone blind in my family, but various other disabilities, yes. So, thank you for the encouragment. It's much appreciated.
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