Oh, happiness. Simply fabulous, all of it. You've pulled the potential and depth out of the show and subtly painted it all through the story, weaving their current situation back through their growing up, Dean being the one to really take particular care of Sam, passing on what Dad taught him, giving the sense that Dad loved them, but was so focused on the monsters that it was up to Sam and Dean to make the family.
I love how Dean struggles with the whole thing, parses out what he doesn't (mostly) care about: Sam's having sex, with whoever, realizing that Sam is really an adult, and that while it's the money for sex, it's that he's having to do it for Dean, that it's Dean's stupidity that brought out Sam's stupidity, that this once, he not only didn't protect Sam (and who cares if Sam is an adult and can take care of himself?), but he's the one that put him in harm's way. That he finds that the Sam he knew before Sam took off for college is still there, but there are new things, ways he doesn't know Sam, that he's finding out, and that he's not sure if he likes them, or not, because it changes who they are to each other -- changes who Dean is, in relation to Sammy.
I just love how the reveals of bits of their past, of how they've related (for instance, how Dean hates heart-to-heart talks) are just slipped in so naturally, enriching the whole.
... the same way he won't talk about his nightmares or give out information on the four years of his life Dean totally missed, like if Sam gives too much away there won't be anything left or it will all be gone, maybe like it never was.
And there it is: Sam has something that's just his, that changes him, that makes him more than just Dean's little brother, and Dean doesn't know that part, and it hurts, even as he's proud of him -- and can't say it. He didn't know how much he thought of Sam as his until he realized that Sam was his own.
And I'm stunned with how well it works for Dean not to really deny his own possible sexual attraction to Sam. He doesn't say it in so many words, even in his own head, but the thoughts of possession, of Sam giving himself to strangers and not to Dean -- it's there, and it's not that he's comfortable with it, but he's honest about it, and I am so in love with that. Denial and not knowing the truth can get you killed, after all. All you have to rely on is yourself; you're your best weapon, so you have to know exactly how you work.
And you fooled me, you know? You get them on the edge of the chasm, and Dean realizing it, realizing it's both of them, it's there, and then you have:
Sam drops his gaze and Dean can almost feel the chasm recede and Sam with it. He's not sure they'll ever find their way back here again or if they'll even try, but there's never been a gulf so wide he won't leap it for his brother, because there's never been anyone as important to him as Sam is and he's not sure he ever really knew that until now except as an excuse to do some incredibly stupid things of his own.
And I thought, oh, the witch! She's going to leave me drowing in UST, and, and, and that's okay! I said to myself firmly. It's a gorgeous story, and it's okay, because it's there, and he realizes it and--
--and then Dean kissed him, and it was incredible because it was a surprise, and it was out in the sunlight, and it was so. Just. Wow.
And then:
"No…no. But fucking in public…that could get us in trouble," he says and he's so calm about it and so absolutely sure that Dean almost comes right then.
and then I died. Because Sam is so calm and so sure, and that's somehow so incredibly fucking hot and. And then Dean comes, and he starts to give Sammy a handjob, and I'm back, and what kills me then is this:
He'll sell his body or his soul for his brother but won't sell himself, or give himself away to anyone. Not even to Dean and its got nothing to do with love or lack of it and everything to do with who Sam is and what he's lost and could still lose and what he's willing to risk to get at least some of it back.
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I love how Dean struggles with the whole thing, parses out what he doesn't (mostly) care about: Sam's having sex, with whoever, realizing that Sam is really an adult, and that while it's the money for sex, it's that he's having to do it for Dean, that it's Dean's stupidity that brought out Sam's stupidity, that this once, he not only didn't protect Sam (and who cares if Sam is an adult and can take care of himself?), but he's the one that put him in harm's way. That he finds that the Sam he knew before Sam took off for college is still there, but there are new things, ways he doesn't know Sam, that he's finding out, and that he's not sure if he likes them, or not, because it changes who they are to each other -- changes who Dean is, in relation to Sammy.
I just love how the reveals of bits of their past, of how they've related (for instance, how Dean hates heart-to-heart talks) are just slipped in so naturally, enriching the whole.
... the same way he won't talk about his nightmares or give out information on the four years of his life Dean totally missed, like if Sam gives too much away there won't be anything left or it will all be gone, maybe like it never was.
And there it is: Sam has something that's just his, that changes him, that makes him more than just Dean's little brother, and Dean doesn't know that part, and it hurts, even as he's proud of him -- and can't say it. He didn't know how much he thought of Sam as his until he realized that Sam was his own.
And I'm stunned with how well it works for Dean not to really deny his own possible sexual attraction to Sam. He doesn't say it in so many words, even in his own head, but the thoughts of possession, of Sam giving himself to strangers and not to Dean -- it's there, and it's not that he's comfortable with it, but he's honest about it, and I am so in love with that. Denial and not knowing the truth can get you killed, after all. All you have to rely on is yourself; you're your best weapon, so you have to know exactly how you work.
And you fooled me, you know? You get them on the edge of the chasm, and Dean realizing it, realizing it's both of them, it's there, and then you have:
Sam drops his gaze and Dean can almost feel the chasm recede and Sam with it. He's not sure they'll ever find their way back here again or if they'll even try, but there's never been a gulf so wide he won't leap it for his brother, because there's never been anyone as important to him as Sam is and he's not sure he ever really knew that until now except as an excuse to do some incredibly stupid things of his own.
And I thought, oh, the witch! She's going to leave me drowing in UST, and, and, and that's okay! I said to myself firmly. It's a gorgeous story, and it's okay, because it's there, and he realizes it and--
--and then Dean kissed him, and it was incredible because it was a surprise, and it was out in the sunlight, and it was so. Just. Wow.
And then:
"No…no. But fucking in public…that could get us in trouble," he says and he's so calm about it and so absolutely sure that Dean almost comes right then.
and then I died. Because Sam is so calm and so sure, and that's somehow so incredibly fucking hot and. And then Dean comes, and he starts to give Sammy a handjob, and I'm back, and what kills me then is this:
He'll sell his body or his soul for his brother but won't sell himself, or give himself away to anyone. Not even to Dean and its got nothing to do with love or lack of it and everything to do with who Sam is and what he's lost and could still lose and what he's willing to risk to get at least some of it back.