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I know I should let it go but...
I just responded to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jcf013's post[here]. This is not an invitation or subliminal (or not so subliminal) directive to go pounce upon her journal or her person or make this a bigger thing that it is. But something she said, kind of encapsulated the whole reason this kind of bullshit actually does get under my skin.
She wrote (among other points regarding her response to Pert's post)
Her point was that there are a LOT of us out here that don't get any love while the same twenty people seem to hoard it all for themselves.
And I responded with:
And therein lies my problem. I do not disagree that some authors and some stories seem to get a disproportionate amount of feedback for reasons that *may* seem unfair or related to either popularity or familiarity.
However, your statement implies and underlying feeling or impression that those fans, those popular and well known BNF's -- of which I was identified as one -- are *actively* trying to persuade fandom at large not just to leave more comments on their stories but to also actively keep people from commenting on other people's stories.
And you know what? That may be what you actually feel or believe but neither your feeling nor impertinence's belief actually make that true. What it does do is perpetuate the feeling that BNF's -- again, myself included -- are actively trying to make fannish experience miserable for other people and all else aside?
I resent the hell out of that implication.
++++
And she replied that she didn't imply it. I inferred it. Fair point.
++++
Using the word resent is actually a pretty broad understatement. I got into fandom for the same reason a lot of people did -- because I had a love for a show, for a certain group of actors, because I Was inspired and excited and I wanted to find other people to share my excitement with. And then I discovered people were doing with those shows and characters things I'd only done in my spiral bound notebooks for myself -- they were writing stories, they were telling tales, they were extending the universe of something I already loved, and They were sharing all of this with each other, with anyone who wanted to read them. And then sometimes, they were actually telling each other that they liked this. Like, a lot.
I think I'm fairly honest with myself, if not other people, about my competence as a writer. Sometimes I have better ideas than my actual skill set as a writer can support. Sometimes my skill set can take a mediocre idea or a trope and make it fun or fresh enough to be thought of as good. Sometimes, I write stuff that I think is really amazing and sometimes I write stuff that merely makes me happy to have told that particular tale.
My own truth is that I'm a story teller. I happen to use text instead of verbal forms because like anyone who tells a tale, audience is part of the telling, and for me it's ten time easier to write it that to sit in a group and tell it. At least with writing I have the opportunity to put a little polish and spin and flare on my tale telling.
Now the truth also is, that in an oral storytelling atmosphere, you often have a bunch of storytellers who take turns spinning their tales. People sign up and everyone gets their chance. It's certainly more egalitarian. At story telling festivals, you can wonder from station to station to hear a tale and move on if it's not to your liking. You might stay, you might tip the tale teller, or applaud. You might listen to a dozen tales and then slip away having said nothing, but enjoyed everything.
LJ and even the Web to some extent, is like that festival. People move between storytellers, some of who set up their stages to catch attention and invite, others to set atmosphere...People may set up their own stages. They might invite other people to come hear a particular story teller they like. They might even (Horrors!) hire that story teller to entertain them or their friends by donating to a favorite charity. They might leave comments or they might leave tokens.
And through all of this, the story tellers keep telling their tales.
The comment above, no matter how heartfelt, really does hit me like an accusation of being purposely disruptful to other people's storytelling. You know, when a crowd starts to gather around something or someone, it's human nature to stop and see what's going on. It may be an amazing performance, or something remarkable. It may be a train wreck.
Me being nice has become something of a joke. It's a joke I let continue because I can think of a lot worse things to be accused of than being nice, or even polite or civil to people I may stringently disagree with. But this point, I'm kind of damned either way and I resent that too.
When I stop turning the other cheek, when I call people on their bullshit, suddenly, I've confirmed every back room jab that my being nice is just a front to being a back stabbing witch behind doors. And I'm not entirely free of having never bitched and whined to my friends in private when someone has really gotten me pissed off. But believe it or not, mostly, I don't. Nor do I privately (or publicly) tell people to stop reading or talking to X or Y or Z because they pissed me off, or they are mean or because if you choose them, you can't be friends with me. I resent it when it's done to me and I sure as hell am not going to put that kind of binders on people I consider to be my friends.
So here's the deal: I don't care about the people who don't comment on my stuff or who don't like it, because I don't know them if they aren't commenting. Their personal likes and dislikes when it comes to story telling don't affect me or the stories I tell or the way I tell them. I do care greatly about the people who do like my stuff, who read and comment, and enjoy and tell me so and I try desperately to make sure they know they are heard and appreciated (sometimes with greater success than others) and because my storytelling is nothing but words in the wind if I don't have an audience. I am not a purist or a perfectionist when it comes to writing. I'm a storyteller.
The only active thing I'm doing that could possibly be construed as either hoarding comments or stealing audience is telling my stories. And the only way that's going to stop is if I stop telling my stories.
If that's what you really want (and I direct this solely at those people who think they aren't getting their fair share of audience, not people who are already here) then, by God or whatever thing you hold sacred, say that out loud and in public and quit accusing me and other people of doing things that are somehow different than what you yourself are doing.
You want me to stop writing? Fine. It's not going to happen, but at least everyone will be really clear on what's actually on the table here and not vague assumption of evil and underhanded manipulations.
You know what else? Life is not fair. Sometimes it sucks like you would not believe and it doesn't matter if you are 16 or 46, it just sucks. However, fandom? Does not and is not the sucking whirlpool of horribleness for most of us. FAndom is, in many cases where the world can suck not at all, or conversely be so unrelentingly horrible that our own lives feel far less sucky for what we can put our favorite characters through and have them come out on the other side. Fandom is a space we have carved out for ourselves. Made and remade it to suit our individual needs, our likes and dislikes. We can have people in it we love and it can make us happy. If your fandom is a place that makes you unhappy, then I would suggest that it's not that the people that are a reflection fandom, fandom and how you experience it is reflection of you.
If you don't like what's staring you back, the problem is not with the mirror.
jcf013's post[here]. This is not an invitation or subliminal (or not so subliminal) directive to go pounce upon her journal or her person or make this a bigger thing that it is. But something she said, kind of encapsulated the whole reason this kind of bullshit actually does get under my skin. She wrote (among other points regarding her response to Pert's post)
Her point was that there are a LOT of us out here that don't get any love while the same twenty people seem to hoard it all for themselves.
And I responded with:
And therein lies my problem. I do not disagree that some authors and some stories seem to get a disproportionate amount of feedback for reasons that *may* seem unfair or related to either popularity or familiarity.
However, your statement implies and underlying feeling or impression that those fans, those popular and well known BNF's -- of which I was identified as one -- are *actively* trying to persuade fandom at large not just to leave more comments on their stories but to also actively keep people from commenting on other people's stories.
And you know what? That may be what you actually feel or believe but neither your feeling nor impertinence's belief actually make that true. What it does do is perpetuate the feeling that BNF's -- again, myself included -- are actively trying to make fannish experience miserable for other people and all else aside?
I resent the hell out of that implication.
++++
And she replied that she didn't imply it. I inferred it. Fair point.
++++
Using the word resent is actually a pretty broad understatement. I got into fandom for the same reason a lot of people did -- because I had a love for a show, for a certain group of actors, because I Was inspired and excited and I wanted to find other people to share my excitement with. And then I discovered people were doing with those shows and characters things I'd only done in my spiral bound notebooks for myself -- they were writing stories, they were telling tales, they were extending the universe of something I already loved, and They were sharing all of this with each other, with anyone who wanted to read them. And then sometimes, they were actually telling each other that they liked this. Like, a lot.
I think I'm fairly honest with myself, if not other people, about my competence as a writer. Sometimes I have better ideas than my actual skill set as a writer can support. Sometimes my skill set can take a mediocre idea or a trope and make it fun or fresh enough to be thought of as good. Sometimes, I write stuff that I think is really amazing and sometimes I write stuff that merely makes me happy to have told that particular tale.
My own truth is that I'm a story teller. I happen to use text instead of verbal forms because like anyone who tells a tale, audience is part of the telling, and for me it's ten time easier to write it that to sit in a group and tell it. At least with writing I have the opportunity to put a little polish and spin and flare on my tale telling.
Now the truth also is, that in an oral storytelling atmosphere, you often have a bunch of storytellers who take turns spinning their tales. People sign up and everyone gets their chance. It's certainly more egalitarian. At story telling festivals, you can wonder from station to station to hear a tale and move on if it's not to your liking. You might stay, you might tip the tale teller, or applaud. You might listen to a dozen tales and then slip away having said nothing, but enjoyed everything.
LJ and even the Web to some extent, is like that festival. People move between storytellers, some of who set up their stages to catch attention and invite, others to set atmosphere...People may set up their own stages. They might invite other people to come hear a particular story teller they like. They might even (Horrors!) hire that story teller to entertain them or their friends by donating to a favorite charity. They might leave comments or they might leave tokens.
And through all of this, the story tellers keep telling their tales.
The comment above, no matter how heartfelt, really does hit me like an accusation of being purposely disruptful to other people's storytelling. You know, when a crowd starts to gather around something or someone, it's human nature to stop and see what's going on. It may be an amazing performance, or something remarkable. It may be a train wreck.
Me being nice has become something of a joke. It's a joke I let continue because I can think of a lot worse things to be accused of than being nice, or even polite or civil to people I may stringently disagree with. But this point, I'm kind of damned either way and I resent that too.
When I stop turning the other cheek, when I call people on their bullshit, suddenly, I've confirmed every back room jab that my being nice is just a front to being a back stabbing witch behind doors. And I'm not entirely free of having never bitched and whined to my friends in private when someone has really gotten me pissed off. But believe it or not, mostly, I don't. Nor do I privately (or publicly) tell people to stop reading or talking to X or Y or Z because they pissed me off, or they are mean or because if you choose them, you can't be friends with me. I resent it when it's done to me and I sure as hell am not going to put that kind of binders on people I consider to be my friends.
So here's the deal: I don't care about the people who don't comment on my stuff or who don't like it, because I don't know them if they aren't commenting. Their personal likes and dislikes when it comes to story telling don't affect me or the stories I tell or the way I tell them. I do care greatly about the people who do like my stuff, who read and comment, and enjoy and tell me so and I try desperately to make sure they know they are heard and appreciated (sometimes with greater success than others) and because my storytelling is nothing but words in the wind if I don't have an audience. I am not a purist or a perfectionist when it comes to writing. I'm a storyteller.
The only active thing I'm doing that could possibly be construed as either hoarding comments or stealing audience is telling my stories. And the only way that's going to stop is if I stop telling my stories.
If that's what you really want (and I direct this solely at those people who think they aren't getting their fair share of audience, not people who are already here) then, by God or whatever thing you hold sacred, say that out loud and in public and quit accusing me and other people of doing things that are somehow different than what you yourself are doing.
You want me to stop writing? Fine. It's not going to happen, but at least everyone will be really clear on what's actually on the table here and not vague assumption of evil and underhanded manipulations.
You know what else? Life is not fair. Sometimes it sucks like you would not believe and it doesn't matter if you are 16 or 46, it just sucks. However, fandom? Does not and is not the sucking whirlpool of horribleness for most of us. FAndom is, in many cases where the world can suck not at all, or conversely be so unrelentingly horrible that our own lives feel far less sucky for what we can put our favorite characters through and have them come out on the other side. Fandom is a space we have carved out for ourselves. Made and remade it to suit our individual needs, our likes and dislikes. We can have people in it we love and it can make us happy. If your fandom is a place that makes you unhappy, then I would suggest that it's not that the people that are a reflection fandom, fandom and how you experience it is reflection of you.
If you don't like what's staring you back, the problem is not with the mirror.
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