morgandawn has good ideas.

[maygra]

I'll keep it short...

...and if you believe that, you're obviously new here.

LJ/6A meltdown notwithstanding, portions of this journal -- including adult content -- have been locked down for awhile now. That was done to secure my own comfort level more than anyone else's. Most of the personal stuff I used to post here is no longer posted here -- also for my own comfort level and because I probably dislike listening to myself whine even more than you guys do.

I've moved the fic, so that's not an issue. The maygra_fic comm will likely remain locked for the forseeable future, although I may unlock the gen stuff. I'm still thinking about it...more about that in a minute.

So, what's left for this journal is mostly meta, either SPN or Fandom, rants, recs, reviews, occasional political or charitable posts, cat pictures, random trivia, the also occasional fanmix, and pleas for help from my awesome flist.

The lock down on adult fic has always been about me being very aware that I'm leasing space from somebody else and am subject to their rules (I've been TOSed before -- it wasn't fun then and it's something I'd rather not repeat, thanks).

It's always been about that fact that I sometimes play in graphic, disturbing, not-safe-for-children (and some adults) arenas.

It's always been about the fact that I want the people who do read those questionable or contentious commentary (be they fiction or non-fiction) know what they are getting into before they get into it. I left the 100 things about me and 10 things about me up on my journal profile for a reason. Those two posts will likely be unlocked shortly.

So, here's the thing: Fandom is not a hobby for me. Oh, technically it is because I don't get paid money for it. However, it occupies an enormous amount of both my time and energy. I love fandom like Whoa! with all it's warts and wrinkles, all it's beauty and poetry, all it's personalities and amazing thoughtful people, and even for the people who really do think it's more play than avocation.

The only thing I've ever done similar is work in community theatre. I did it for the better part of 20 years, on stage and off, directing, acting, building sets, designing sets, stage managing, producing, teaching acting, writing reviews, writing plays...the whole thing. It was a full-body immersion -- physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Fandom is that and then some because it's also encompassed my politics, my philosophy, my ethics and my moral center.

I used to say that I held a day job so I could afford to do theatre on the nights and weekends. But the truth there is that I can always find another job -- I'm not sure I can ever find anything outside of God, that could replace fandom.

This isn't my coy way of saying that fandom exists only on LJ -- because it doesn't. It doesn't exist just here, or on maillists, or at cons, or in email exchanges. It's pretty much everywhere I visit. I swear, there is almost nowhere in the world I couldn't go and say "Hey! I'm gonna be in your neck of the planet -- can I crash on your couch for a day? Can we meet for dinner?" Or someone couldn't ask me the same thing.

Writing is a huge part of fandom for me. Writing, reading, commenting, kibbitzing...but writing most of all -- or maybe actually in support of the idea that it's the best way I can share my fannish love, and get loved back in concrete, reinforcing, thoughtful, joyful ways.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that LJ facilitates that kind of reinforcement. It makes posting easy and it makes feedback easy. I post concurrently to my websites because I know that web homes, like LJ, can be transient. Websites can be transient to, but in general, you know when they are going away.

So, one of the reasons to flock and LJ is to keep certain things private or relatively so. However, any of you who have been here for awhile know that while I may occasionally rant under flock, it's rarely to the detriment of any individual or group except as an amorphous "them"; usually opinions I disagree with but don't want to get into a huge brou-haha over. I really do, most of the time, try to operate under the adage that if I can't or won't say it in public, I need to shut up about it -- and since I'm really not big on confrontation or aggravation, I tend to keep it to things I really am willing to get into it over -- and those things are incredibly few and far between.

I don't *like* wank. I try not to contribute or participate in wank. If I'm going to have a throw-down with someone, I'd rather do it with them, one on one, than with an audience.

I can be a bit of an ostrich. I'm well aware there are people who don't like me or don't like my friends, my fic, my rants, my cat pictures...there are people who think I'm an idiot, or mealy-mouthed, or am probably being a bitch behind their backs.

It's really hard to prove a negative. Even if I were inclined to try... which mostly I'm not.

Edit: Because it's come up recently -- if people I know are wanking about *you*, unless there's some indication of threat or malicious mischief, the chances are high you aren't going to hear about it from me. If I have issues with people big enough to make me gossip about them (as opposed to momentary snarls of "so-and-so sometimes makes me so mad I could spit!"), Then I either need to take it up with them or I need to avoid them as much as possible. It should be no surprise that I choose the latter more than the former. Some people don't like each other and never will. For some people my unwillingness to pass on blow-back makes me not a very good friend, in other ways, it's a pretty good indicator that if you need to vent for venting's sake, I'm not likely to let your fit of pique become something that can be used against you elsewhere.

I do my best to treat people the way I would like to be treated. I don't always succeed. I can be short or distracted or careless. I can disagree in ways that cause offense.

I take people at their word most of the time. I'm really clear that most of the issues I have with fandom in general or people in particular are my issues and not necessarily anyone else's.

Ergo, the whole flock/unflock issue becomes solely about how much I'm willing to annoy or be annoyed by other people.

I'm likely to go back to running this journal as I did before, locking or unlocking posts based on my own internal criteria. Most meta stuff will be unflocked, other stuff won't be. Whether I can be arsed to go back and unlock all the stuff that used to be open I'm not sure about. There's a lot of fiction posted here that other people link to. There are meta posts other people have used for reference...

So, what's the point here?

The point is that when I grant friends-access to flocked posts, I'm expecting a bit of honesty. I am, with no real reason, trusting my flist to not be here for reasons other than I write meta they want to read or opinions they aren't at least willing to entertain.

Edit 2: I use filters to post on occasion. Most often it's for things like betas -- there's probably 20-30 people on my flist who like to do it and when I need one, I post to that filter to solicit assistance rather than spamming the whole flist. The same is true of some other topics -- i.e. I'm soliciting opinions on specific issues from people who I know share a specific interest. (i.e. If I want a legal opinion, I'm gonna ask the lawyers. If I want an opinion on public education -- I'm going to ask the teachers. If I want a specific question answered about having babies or raising kids, I'm gonna ask about the mothers and parents. It's my preference to have the signal to noise ratio on my flist to be low -- Filters are a way of extending that same courtesy in reverse.

What I am not expecting is for flocked posts I've made to show up in vague ways elsewhere. I am not expecting people who have fundamental disagreements with things I love to be here solely for the purpose of using them against me.

I am expecting people to be honest about why they are here -- and if not with me, then with themselves.

I expect people to treat me -- and by extension this journal -- the way they would like to be treated.

I expect people to treat each other -- in the confines of this journal and comment extensions -- the way they would like to be treated.

I came very close in the last couple of days of clearing my entire flist and starting over -- until I realized it was very much the approach that LJ took and that it was unfair and overkill -- and very much my own issue.

So, I did remove some people -- people who didn't have me friended back, (and I think pretty much all of them were people I was no longer reading which is why I had them friended in the first place.)

I'm not looking for any affirmations, or vows of honor, or setting out a code of conduct that you must agree to. I'm not LJ or a hosting service. I'm one woman, doing what she loves, who would really prefer that the people who are here share that love at least on some basic level.

I'm not saying you have to agree with me on everything, or even one thing. I am saying you need to respect our differences if we have them.

This isn't the first time I've said this. It likely won't be the last. If being here doesn't make you as happy as having you here makes me...then please by all means, go where you will be happy with my blessing and good will.

And if you've got issues with me, well my address is maygra@bellsouth.net, anonymous posts can be made here, and IP logging & ljtoys are off. This isn't an invitation for a love meme or a hate meme...but if people have issues with me and I don't know about it, there's not much I can do. And if you have issues with me, but don't want to talk to me about it....then why are you here?

Those are my terms of service.